Thursday, June 01, 2006

Today was one of those days where blood sugars conspire to sabotage everything. Their conspiracy suceeded.

My husband and I have been trying to run each morning this week. I say "trying," because we're trying to adjust my insulin so that I'll wake up about 180 or so and be able to run without plummeting and without needing to guzzle juice. I woke up at 6:30 am at 140, so we forgoed (forgone? forwent?) running. 1 hour later I was 258. After adjusting my insulin and working out, I was 303. Then I noticed the "low battery" sign; so, okay, replace the battery. Bolus. And give a corrective shot, since it usually takes a long time to come down.

Of course, I felt very irritable and not at all wanting to be social, which is what I was supposed to feel like since we had a lunch date. And after lunch I felt a little less irratable, since I was done to something like 280. At that point, I was anticipating a rapid plummet. So I made sure to test frequently.

One additional reason I felt irratable was that I was supposed to meet the two important members of my dissertation committee for comments on my most recent dissertation chapter. I had a deep sense of foreboding, and while they're both nice and reasonable (and smart) people, I was dreading this meeting. Dread+high blood sugar = NOT GOOD.

Right before the meeting (still anticipating a plummet) I was 99. Having done these blood sugar things before, I knew that if I didn't put the brakes on I'd be 40 and sweating and incoherent in front of my committee in no time. So, I sipped some coke and had some chocolate. Had a terrible meeting. The stuff I worked so hard on wasn't good enough and the stuff that I know is wrong they made sure to tell me was wrong. Now, don't get me wrong -- this is what they're supposed to do, and they did it honestly and nicely, and I appreciate it. But dissertating is discouraging. Having thoughts but not being able to articulate them in a smart way or specific way is frustrating. Trying to grapple with the legions of scholars who've written on my topic is frustrating. And by the time they got to the stuff they liked about my chapter I was really frustrated. And so I cried. In. Front. Of. My. Committee. Not weepy crying. I kept it undercontrol by nodding my ahead and keeping my mouth shut. But still.

And then I came home and was 380. After lots of water and a run I was 330. And so I said "shit." I felt a little bit better.

11 comments:

Shannon said...

Hi Nic,

I saw your post on Kevin's blog. It's good that you've delurked!!

I look forward to reading more. I have my 3 yr old on my lap right now and just skimmed through your posts, but I plan to read them when kids aren't around!!

My son has Type 1 and is on the pump as well. Cozmo.

Kerri. said...

Hi Nic.

I'll echo Shannon and Kevin and tell you that I'm so happy you've delurked and fashioned up your own blog. I'll be linking you from Six Until Me tonight.

I particularly liked your diagnosis story and the idea that your "blog is the telling." I'm looking forward to reading more of your posts.

Welcome to the blogosphere!

-- Kerri.

Chrissie in Belgium said...

Hi Nic,
I really do like your blog. I am still lurking - reading everyone elses blogs and putting in comments. I have had diabetes for soon 45 years and I have few complications. I have worked hard AND had a lot of luck because I have not been perfect! I got a pump in 2004 and just LOVE it because it is possible to get some success. Previous doctors told me pumps did nothing exceptional. What a bunch of bull shit. They are lots of work but make you feel wonderful. I haven't felt like this in so long that I .....well I am happy to have a pump!

I like this entry because it shows how it really is to be diabetic. You try and try and so rarely suceed.... You want to give up. The roller coaster life is a real pain.

Yeah exercise is so good and important, but keeping sugars balanced is REALLY difficult with exercise. I know what you are talking about. Here is a hint, maybe it will help you. I always want to start with a good to low blood sugar in the morning. The first morning test, for me, influences the whole rest of the day. I have no scientific backing for this opinion, but when I start high I continue high, all day. So don't aim for 180 in the morning. Aim for a normal good test, for me 80mg/dl and then try eating your normal breakfast, but take LESS INSULIN for the meal bolus. Then immediately go do your exercise thing. You will have energy because you have eaten and using the dawn phenomenon and the lowered mealbolus will hopefully prevent hypos. You may have to juggle the amounts a bit. I also hate guzzling juice. Try coke, i swear it works faster - fructose in juice has a lower GI value than coke. The quicker you fix the hypo the faster you will feel human again. I also hate guzzling coke, but at least it works faster!

And then how you describe you difficult day while having to cope with high blood sugars. I swear that high blood sugars chemically do something to me to make me MISERABLE. I just don't see any poinjt in trying, which just makes things worse. I wrote a sign which I put on my desk - BAD TEST? FIX IT! When the blood sugar goes down I just cannot understand why I was thinking such evil, hopeles, black thoughts. And then I wonder??????? And this really bugs me, WHO AM I? How can my thoughts and personality change so much. Am I just a chemical being. I hate being so emotionally changed by chemistry in my body. My Mom told me that I should just stop worrying about that because I do have a particular personality. But I wonder? Diabetes really does shape who you are? What is me? What is diabetes?

I have a question: what do you mean that you take an insulin shot when the blood sugar is high, because it works faster than the pump. Please explain this. It is the same insulin, right? I have a Cozmo pump. Love the pump but hate the carrying pouch, the clip doesn't turn completely and is too big to stick in jeans pockets.

I never hid my diabetes. I wonder why? I always told everybody. But I hated myself when I had high blood sugars. I mean I totally hated myself...... This went on for 40 some years. I never knew another diabetic. I was totally alone with this. I didn't know about blogs until I read Mendosa's site. It is so nice to know that other's are having the same difficulties in managing....... You do not feel so alone

cHoCoMiLkRoCkS said...

Hello.

Feel inspired to write my diagnosis story. Tho probably bore people.

Sounds like a crap ass blood sugar day. I'm having one today though they all seem to be low no matter what i do or eat.......

Vic

Sandra Miller said...

Nic-

Welcome to the Blogosphere! Found your site via Kerri's blog.

Reading of your experience being high just had me nodding.

My 10-yr-old son was dx'd Type 1 almost two years ago, and is so very affected by high sugars. Sadly, some of the staff at his school refuse to believe this to be the case-- they think that if he's being extremely emotional/irritable, he's just acting out (despite the fact that his blood sugars have been in the 300s when this has occured.) Grrrr...

I look forward to reading more of your blog, and I'll add a link to your site today.

Sandra

p.s. Just learned how to knit myself (during my daughter's recent stomach virus) and am enjoying making some... uh... interesting scarves :-) Still can't imagine knitting anything like a sweater, though. But then again, two years ago I never would have imagined I'd be able to help my son cope with diabetes... anything is possible, I guess.

AmyT said...

Welcome to the blogosphere, Nic. I look forward to reading you, and hope you'll visit me sometimes as well at www.diabetesmine.com.

Best,
AmyT

Scott K. Johnson said...

Along with what Chrissie said, high and low BG's generally make me an emotional basket case.

Pissy, crabby, depressed, down, argumentative, snappy, whatever.

I agree that out of target blood sugars have a physiological effect on moods.

Nic said...

Hi, Chrissie --

Thanks for the empathy and the advice. I am finding Coke works better -- plus, I still like Coke. I've had so much Apple Juice over the years that I'm starting to gag at the thought. As for taking the shot to bring me down faster, it's something I think I picked up from a manual somewhere. Anyway, shots generally work faster than the pump because the insulin goes into the system all at once instead of the slow drip-drip of the pump. And I've found that generally I do fall faster when I do a shot when I'm high.

Nic said...

Okay, so that was my first foray into commenting back to someone and it comse WAY down here. So, I was going to say hi and thanks to others, too.

Kerri -- thanks for linking my blog. Sixuntilme was the first diabetes blog that I found, so I'm honored.

Shannon and Sandra -- I admire moms like you and appreciate blogs like yours. They help me understand the daily trials that my folks went through. Your kids are fortunate to have you.

Pumping Princess, AmyT and Scott --
Thanks for feeling my blood sugar pain. I had a low yesterday. It felt good after those 300s!

aaron said...

Dude, nice blog. I've generally been told that you're not supposed to exercise with a high blood sugar. My own experience (22 years type 1) confirm that it's best to exercise in the target range... It's tricky stuff, but consistency helps a lot.

"Exercising vigorously to try to bring a blood sugar down might actually be dangerous. Exercise should be avoided if the blood sugar is greater than 250 mg/dl [13.9 mmol/L] or if there are ketones in the urine. As previously mentioned, exercise causes the release of counterregulatory hormones and dehydration, which can make the blood sugar, go even higher."

Nic said...

Hi, Aaron. I've been told that, too. It's never been a problem, though. And the reason I'm trying to go up (to a modest, I think, 180) is because a) I've been known to drop 200 during 1/2 hour of running and 2) I hate running on a full stomach -- even just a juice is too much. But no worries, because of our 5 attempted running days we've been successful once, and today we decided...nah. So much for resolutions :-)