Thursday, November 30, 2006

This is an S.O.S. Can anyone suggest a cookbook for singles? This query is for a newly diagnosed friend working on portion control and wanting to make recipes that serve one or two people. Tasty recipes would be nice.

Thanks for the help.

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Out like a light at 10:30. A respectable 178 in my blood. Shouldn't have to worry about going low.

One hour later I sit bolt up right, fighting the dry heaves and waves of nauseau. I squint for my meter and realize I left it downstairs. Will I make it?


402? Here are the moments when WTF come to mind.

I change out my pump, feeling miserable. Searching for a tell-tale air bubble in my tubing, or a bent canula, anything to explain how I would shoot up over 200 points in an hour.


My Ketostick is dark purple, a "large" among of keytones. I haven't had a purple stick in years.

I go back to bed; mumble at my husband, who rubs my back and distracts me from the violent nausea. I role over too quickly and rush to the toilet--just in case. I never threw up from a high blood sugar until I got my pump.

Two hours later, I am 278. Still purple. I drink a lot of water.

This morning, 136, and the nagging question: what went wrong?

Thursday, November 09, 2006

The recollection is so strong that I start.

The hasty meal. The rushing. The dishes half done; 1/3 of my pump sumplies in the bedroom and 2/3 scattered on the kitchen table. Interupting packing with household chores that must be done, and interupting those chores with phonecalls and frantic emails about cancelling my class. And interupting all of these with sobs.

Today I am packing for a hastily arranged trip home, borne of homesickness and the strong pull of family. 3 years ago today I was packing for a hastily arrange trip home, borne of the strong pull of my family in the time of need. My brother had died suddenly, and I was going home for his funeral. I was acutely aware that I needed to be "strong"--strong for my parents, strong certainly for my mother, who was shattered. I needed to plan the funeral, to answer the phone. And my diabetes was with me the whole time, the numbers registering my grief in uncanny ways. The gut-wrenching sobs must have countered the cookies and bananas that were my meals--all I could stomach--because I don't recall being high. Or maybe the paradoxically numb antsiness masked symptoms.

As the anniversary of my brother's death has approached, I have been accutely aware of his support for my diabetes. If he resented the attention it brought me on diagnosis, he never complained. He wept for me. He prayed the whole night--a little 10-year old on his knees by the bedside--the night I had a seizure and he was taken to grandma's in the wee hours. We didn't talk much about it, but it was always there and he was always an anchor.

I look forward to heaven. My brother is there. And diabetes isn't.

Monday, November 06, 2006

It's Monday and I actually got something done! (See me dancing?)

This despite the fact that I woke up at 319 and felt icky most of the day as I wandered from 319 to 332 to 240 to 99. But it was an icky that I could deal with because 1) I was getting things done and 2) I haven't had a day like this in sooooo long. Sometimes the diabetes Gods smile on us. That is all I can think as I review my numbers for the last week. For the most part, they've been between 80 and 130, a fact that I can only think of as an accident. I've had some lows (a scary 34 one night) but nothing terrible--but I have had a lot of juice intake going on just to keep me above low. I'm finding I like--really like--pineapple-Orange juice. Who wouldda thought? And because I declared a morotorium on A.J. for a while, when I do drink it, it's palatable.

I got my new insulin pump a couple of weeks ago. The insurance company and Minimed got everything squared away. So now I have a nice shiny 522 on my hip. The RT technology makes it amazingly heavy to hold, but not to wear. While I breaking my 522 in--trying to get up the guts to try the bolus wizard, which I did not use with my 512 (dare I confess: I don't count carbs. I don't know my carb-to-insulin ration. My head spins just looking at all the numbers the Bolus Wizard requires)--I don't yet have the RT. 1,500 people are waiting for them and they are backorder 8 weeks. I'm glad. Maybe the backlock of people willing to wait so long and pay full price out-of-pocket will help insurance companies get on the ball?

Friday, November 03, 2006

When I was a political science major in college, I was rapid about voting. I told everyone to vote. I was an election judge. I was passionate about this civic responsibility and I thought everyone else should be, too.

Fast forward ten years, and I am still passionate about voting. Sort of. But I can understand the apathy besetting so many of our young people and our populace in general. Part of this apathy stems from the sense that politics are so inbred and corrupt that there is no way to make a positive change. Voting has become choosing between a lesser of two evils instead of choosing the candidate who will best guide our country.

More than that, though, is that the whole election system seems geared against making wanting people to vote. Beyond the mud-slinging is the fact that it is truly hard to get any information about the candidates. The local newspaper of my hometown regularly publishes information about the candidates for local, state, and national levels in a nice, easy-to-read format. Not so where I am living now. It is difficult to find out even who is running and what they're running for (thank goodness for those obnoxious lawn signs!). I've done several google searches on candidates' stances on the issues, and have learned that if one is an incumbent they feel that their web site doesn't need to share their stance. They're incumbent. They're shoe-ins.

Finding out the polling place has proven even harder. I Googled several search terms and was finally given a map that was divided according to district. This would have been helpful...if I knew what district I was in. The local newspaper had one article archived on polling places, which merely listed the phone numbers for the election boards. At least that was something. When I called, I learned that in order to vote in the proper precinct I have to inform the election board each time I move within my district--even if it's just across the street. Now it never occured to me that I had to inform a specifically-election oriented entity that I had moved. (Call me naive). Nowhere did I learn that. This was an important piece of information that was not given to me in each of the civic classes and poli-sci courses I took.

What I am saying is that people who take voting seriously are discouraged from taking it seriously by myriad factors: media, unwritten (or assumed) rules, candidates who don't care to inform voters about the issues, or who run on just one issue and assume we'll figure out the rest. And each year I have to work harder and harder to care about a vote that I feel is less and less important. This is not the way it should be. And that is why I will be voting November 7, 2006. I hope you will, too.