Some irreverance is in order.
Alternative careers for me:
Founder of a website called: nakebarista.com. Don't know what it would be about -- maybe no content at all. I just really like the name. I like the suggestion of the name.
Barista (fully clothed) at Starbucks. Their health insurance is better than mine. There's no thinking involved. Just have to get the foam right.
High School English Teacher. I can teach thousands of students to hate The Scarlet Letter.
Any other suggestions?